Who Are Your People?

And where can you find them?

Telluride Public Library, San Miguel County, Colorado

I’ve recently had several conversations with friends about the state of the world, seeking to find clarity and understanding in the midst of so much political chaos and upheaval. So many of us are feeling incredibly disoriented as political and social norms are turned upside down. Several times this month I’ve heard friends wondering aloud about two fundamental questions:

Who are my people? And where can I find them?

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Back when I used to teach high school English, I was part of an incredible online community called NCTE - National Council of Teachers of English. I was active with them around 1998-2001. That was back when listserves were a thing. Earlier this year, I was cleaning out boxes in my garage and I found an entire moving box full of printed paper. I had an entire box full of emails I’d printed out and saved from the NCTE listserve. From 25 years ago! Emails full of ideas for how to design a poetry lesson, or incorporate modern teen novels into the curriculum. I’d saved so many creative ideas generously shared between English teachers. Going through that box of email, I was joyfully reminded of that time when I was completely immersed in a community I loved.

NCTE was my people and I’d found them online.

A few years later I found my people in a women’s triathlon club in Tucson, Arizona. It was so rewarding for so many women to support each other as we worked together towards our athletic goals.

A few years after that I found my people who were all leadership coaches trained through Georgetown University. We became - and remain - a meaningful online community committed to our continued professional development.

In the past few years I’ve experimented with joining several different writing communities. After striking out a few times, I finally found my people in the London Writers’ Salon. This has become my online writing home, because the founders are so smart, so generous and so focused on building a strong community of diverse writers. They believe our creative health is as important as physical and mental health. Amen.

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During the past several years, my partner and I have spent a lot of time traveling by Airstream around the country. He looks for rivers to catch trout and I look for quiet places to write. Whenver we arrive in a new town, he heads to the local fly shop to chat about current conditions. He’ll ask about CFS flows and water temps and which hatches are hatching. And I go to the local library, to discover local authors and explore their special events. In any place we visit, he knows where to find his people and I know where to find mine.

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This is all to say I’ve given a lot of thought to the questions of who my people are and where to find them. My people have evolved over the past 25 years and yet I’m still - and always - searching for them. In order to keep myself sane and grounded, I need to know who my people are and I need to know where to find them.

So here’s a few lessons I try to remember:

1. Let yourself love whatever you love. Whether it’s fly fishing or books or quilting or pinball - whatever it is - just give yourself over to it and let yourself love it. Completely and without judgement.

2. Follow whatever you love wherever it leads you. Give in to it and be willing to follow it anywhere. Even if it’s not entirely logical.

3. Be open and curious to whomever you meet along the way. Say yes to offers and invitations.

4. Allow your loves and paths to change over time. Hold your loves loosely.

5. Be willing to experiment and try things that might not work out perfectly. Experimenting is part of the process and the journey.

6. Remember you can love more than one thing. The more the better. This isn’t about monogamy.

7. Be willing to be surprised. Your people might not be where you expect them to be. And that’s ok.

I also try to remember that rather than hunting too hard for my people, I can simply heed the advice of poet Mary Oliver:

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

Love what it loves.

Here’s what I know to be true: finding our people might take longer than we hoped and there might be disappointments along the way.

But especially during times of upheavel and uncertainty, finding your people is worth every step of the journey. Finding your people can help you stay sane and grounded when the world feels chaotic. Whoever you are and whatever you love, I hope you keep going, I hope you keep looking.

== niki

Ridgeway State Park, Ridgeway, Colorado